Changes a coming?

For many years now, my favorite song has been "I still haven't found what I'm looking for" by U2. It's summed up how I've felt for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure why I often feel that way. It has nothing to do with my relationship with my beautiful Jan - God knows - that's the only thing in my life that I've done really well. Why she tolerates my restless nature - I can't begin to guess but I'm so happy that she does.

Frequent readers of my blog will recall that I'm always worried about living my life 'right' - and not missing any part of it that I can live the way I think I should.

Recent visits with reality and mortality have me really thinking about it even more lately and the restlessness seems to be kicking-in stronger. I'm having problems when wondering why we work so hard some times to just acquire more crap and plan for that future day of retiring - while the whole time possibly not spending the best years of our lives more focused on the things we really want to do.

I think we have our class systems all screwed up and I sometimes buy into it. I get disappointed in myself sometimes when I realize how much I've bought into the class system myself. I think I'd rather retire to a funky trailer with wonderful memories of all I've done with my wife in the locations I want to do them in - in the situations I want to do them in - than have a great house and nice cars for the rest of my days.

I've accomplished a lot of things in my life and I'm proud of that, but now, as I spend many hours alone in hotel room after hotel room, I wonder really why? Of course the answer is to make money - pretty decent money actually - but it takes me away from my wife and the things I want to do and the situations I want to exist in. I can certainly live on less money in situations that I'd rather be in.

Now, don't get me wrong - our current house in Florida and our current daily routines is not the way I want to exist either. Just not being "on the road in pursuit of money" is not the answer I'm looking for. Of course, it takes money to make some breaks as well and what I should really do is formulate the plan and then put it into place over time. Just not too much time - the sand is falling through the hourglass.

Kenny Chesney has just come out with a new album and it has a wonderful, wonderful song on it called "Spirit of a Storm". I recommend downloading it on iTunes or buying the CD.

The lyrics are below...

There's a spirit of a storm in my soul
A restlessness that I can't seem to tame
Thunder and lightning follow everywhere I go
There's a spirit of a storm in my soul.

There's a hurricane that's raging through my blood
I can't find a way to calm the sea
Maybe I'll find someday the waters aren't so rushed
Right now they've got the best of me
And oh, it's been a long, long time
Since I had real peace of mind
So I'm just going to sit right here
In this old chair till this storm rolls by.

Oh, maybe it's just the way I am
Maybe I won't ever change
So I'm just going to sit right here
In this old chair and just soak up the rain.

There's a spirit of a storm in my soul
Every time I think it's gone away
Dark clouds gather, that old wind begins to blow
The sun's going to shine someday I hope
There's a spirit of a storm in my soul, in my soul.